I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
