I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory