Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(973): View more from New Jersey

she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.

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(973): she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle. http://tfl.nu/83v8

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(815): View more from Illinois

im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.

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(815): im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again. http://tfl.nu/iwek

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after

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(412): Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after http://tfl.nu/0llh

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(845): View more from New York

Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived

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(845): Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived http://tfl.nu/83e2

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(313): View more from Michigan

I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding

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(313): I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding http://tfl.nu/qljv

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(870): View more from Arkansas

I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.

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(870): I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward. http://tfl.nu/2glp

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(585): View more from New York

Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.

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(585): Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably. http://tfl.nu/akzi

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(480): View more from Arizona

I will give you all my nachos to make this happen

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(480): I will give you all my nachos to make this happen http://tfl.nu/ghnu

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(928): View more from Arizona

I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.

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(928): I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now. http://tfl.nu/gaaz

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(334): View more from Alabama

I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw

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(334): I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw http://tfl.nu/eazo

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.

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(814): It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it. http://tfl.nu/w90m

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(787): View more from Puerto Rico

I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?

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(787): I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now? http://tfl.nu/uqqo

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.

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(580): The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference. http://tfl.nu/nnsg

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(605): View more from South Dakota

The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.

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(605): The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet. http://tfl.nu/kmib

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(954): View more from Florida

I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?

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(954): I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it? http://tfl.nu/xt0t

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