That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I wish there were birth control emojis
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed