TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
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Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
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i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.