thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
