Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
