it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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