Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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