i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
