someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
