Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
