I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
