dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
