I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
