Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
