I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
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