I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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