do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
