he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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