just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I could make wine with my vomit
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
