you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Drunk walkin through police station. America
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize