I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
