The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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