went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
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