Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
