You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
