They should really pass out barf bags in church
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
