Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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