As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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