I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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