im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
