is your mom at the bar?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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