Just fell off a train. Bad.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
