Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
