wake up i wanna do it froggy style
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
