Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
