just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
