Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
