I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
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we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
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We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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