Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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