the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We got so high we made milksteak
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
