Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
