remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
