We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
