and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
