I love black thongs
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
