Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
