I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
