then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
