you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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