Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
