you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
