And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
