i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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