I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Liz is crying about burritos again.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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