U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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