haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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