Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
