we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
