i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
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