well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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