yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
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I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
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It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.