I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
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We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
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we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist