We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.