I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
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Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.