I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.