So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
